Bum me out at the ballgame

Monday night: Season opener at the Rogers Centre, home of the Toronto Blue Jays. I love baseball. I love beer. I love hot dogs. Ordinarily the three go together like a caveman, his club and some kind of animal bone to gnaw.

However, one cannot drink beer on a strict hunt-and-gather diet. Nor can processed meat in a grainy bun be considered compliant with eating like a pre-agricultural person, as I am attempting to do. So I restricted myself to sunflower seeds — which were salted; a minor cheat —  and water.

At first this made me a little miserable, but I kept it to myself. By the third inning I was enjoying the game, particularly happy to boo that bum Alex Rios. It was enough to forget about all the expensive Budweiser being swilled all around me (you’d think Major League Baseball’s only Canadian team would serve good Canadian beer at the ballpark, but that’s an argument for another day).

Meanwhile, the concession lineups swelled. One friend had to wait 50 minutes for a beer. The walking turnips manning the beer pumps were IDing everyone, including people clearly in their thirties — the drinking age in Ontario, meanwhile, is 19. (Even vigilance ought to have its limits.)

Everyone in my large party gave up on the idea of more beer or snacks. My brother displayed his tension by sitting forward in his seat and complaining almost nonstop about the incompetence of the Rogers Centre. I’m sure he didn’t enjoy anything after the fourth inning.

I stayed quiet in my contentment, glad not to have had my appetite stoked Bud-stoked, but mindful not to gloat about it.

The Jays lost. The caveman, in a sense, won, by keeping to a diet that drives my cravings to extinction.

Mind you, even if I maintain some paleo practices in my lifestyle after the current trial month is through (two days to go!), there’s no way in hell I’ll be sticking to it at the ballpark.

Photo: With nosebleed seats like these, can you blame me for wanting a beer?

One Response to “Bum me out at the ballgame”

  1. My seats were close by for sure. The lines were atrocious for beer (not to mention, never cheap) Great job holding out!

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